When we are in the midst of grief, our world fades into the background. The things that brought us joy are gone, what is left no longer suffices. Life mists over and leaves us in the darkness, in the emptiness. It takes a long time to resurface, and as we climb through that foggy nothingness, we need a source of hope. We need a light that guides us back to the world of the living. Using grief journaling prompts can be a beacon. Our own wisdom can illuminate our lives in a magical and unprecedented way.
“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”
― Jamie Anderson
What Constitutes as Grief?
Many people do not recognize the emotions they’re feeling as grief. Grief doesn’t only follow the loss of a loved one; it can come from the loss of a career, a dream, an opportunity, or the loss of one’s sense of self.
Whatever you are experiencing, you will know that it is grief when it is accompanied with a lack of luster, a lack of certainty, a lack of connection. Grief is a universal expression and it is nothing to be ashamed of. It doesn’t define you even when it seems to take over every facet of your life.
Grief is often coupled with depression, deep sorrow, feelings of remorse and nihilism. It can change the way we see the world and the way we see ourselves. That is why we must put pen to paper so that we can bring awareness to these changes and bear witness to the stages of our recovery.
15 Essential Grief Journaling Prompts:
- How has your life changed since your loss?
- What are some of your happiest memories with the person you lost?
- What are some of the things you wish you could have said or done differently?
- What emotions have you been feeling since your loss?
- What are some of the things that have helped you cope with your grief so far?
- In what ways has your grief impacted your relationships with others?
- What is something you’ve learned about yourself since your loss?
- What are some of the things that you miss the most about the person you lost?
- What are some of the things you wish you could still do with the person you lost?
- What are some of the things you’re grateful for in your life right now?
- How has your perspective on life changed since your loss?
- What are some of the things that you’re looking forward to in the future?
- What are some of the things that you still need to process in your grief?
- How have you grown and changed as a person since your loss?
- What are some of the things that you would like to do in memory of the person you lost?
Reach through the darkness and find that there is always a hand being held out to you. You are not alone because every being on the planet experiences loss. Even if your situation feels so alien, you will find that someone on this planet knows what you are going through and they can help.
How Do I Start Using Grief Journaling Prompts?
Wherever you are on your healing journey, take pause to thank yourself for moving towards the light. In the thick of our despair, there may no longer be the motivation to heal. Write a gratitude letter to yourself for everything you do in your day just to feel okay. Or, try out a Gratitude Journal. Even if you’re only thanking yourself for eating a good meal or taking a hot bath, write thanks and you’ll start to notice a slight change of focus.
When we grieve, we can be focused on memories of the past. We can get stuck in the good times as well as the bad ones. To heal from our grief, it is vital to journal about memories and why they make us feel the way they do. This is not a practice of stewing in our nostalgia, it is a practice of freeing up our mental space for new memories.
Let the pages be the place you go to for a brief respite. Instead of holding onto those memories in fear of losing them forever, you can lay them to rest in your journal and know that they will remain as bright and lucid as the day they happened.
Move your attention to the present
Once you’ve had a chance to write about your past, start to move your attention to the present. Write about your day-to-day, and about the range of emotions and experiences you’re having. When journaling through grief, It’s good to notice that even on a “bad” day, our time isn’t made up only of bad moments. We might wake up crying and then forget about our tears when we see the birds outside our window. We might weep into our coffee and then notice a text from our friend.
Acknowledging both the good and the bad enables you to understand the dynamic nature of life. Even before your loss, you never had a perfect day, or a miserable day. The day is made of moments and we were made to experience the full spectrum of thoughts, emotions, sensations and experiences.
Start thinking about the future
Once you grow comfortable writing about the past and the present, then you can step into the realm of the future. Think or journal about one thing you would like to do tomorrow, or next week, or next year. Allow you mind to wish, to dream, to fantasize.
The imagination is an incredible tool against the hardships of life. Journaling about the future is like writing about hope. When we have hope we have light. It’s not silly to want something for ourselves. Having goals and aspirations makes us more resilient in the wake of our trials.
Where grief saps our hope, the imagination can restore our energy and vigor. Remember, you are not journaling about wishy-washy or insubstantial dreams. You are writing towards a future you really want. You’re writing to bring closure to this time in your life where hope was truly lost. You are showing yourself that you can move forward, even if it’s only on paper at first.
Grief journaling prompts for writing about the past, the present and the future:
1. What are the memories that you hold dearest, and what about them is the most precious to you?
2. What are the memories you’d like to release? When you are finished writing them, would you be willing to burn them?
3. How does your day change moment to moment? What are some of the things you look forward to each day and what are some of the things that benefit you even if you don’t enjoy them?
4. What was one thing that made you laugh today? What was one thing that made you angry? Embarrassed? Frightened? Sad? Excited? What does this range of emotion tell you about yourself?
5. What is one thing you’d like to tell yourself a year from today? Can you put this into an envelope and write down the date on which to open it?
6. What is one step you can take towards something you’ve always dreamed of doing?
What Tools Are Available When Grief Journaling Prompts Are Not Enough?
I have found nothing more soothing, more stabilizing than having a practice in the nature of mind. There are thousands of practices and it is valuable to find one that suits your beliefs and your lifestyle. Where one person will be freed by the words of the gospel, another will find peace in Buddhism. Where one person finds strength in the pursuit of philosophy, another is reinforced by the practice of psychology. What is more important than the teaching itself is the lived experience of the practitioners.
In Dzogchen (a Tibetan Buddhist practice) they state that there are four pillars to any successful practice. You need a teaching, a teacher, a community and the practice itself. The Dzogchen practice is: short moments repeated many times until they become obvious at all times. Writing for short moments many times, allows you to recognize the nature of your mind over time. Whenever you naturally remember to do so, check in with yourself.
Find out that no matter what you are experiencing, you are clear, wise, and beneficial. You don’t have to do anything to be beneficial: you already are and you can test this right now. Stop thinking for a moment. What is left? Clear knowing, spaciousness, awareness, openness. This is all that is required to be beneficial and it is our birthright.
Find a “Teacher” to Guide You Through Grief
Having a teacher who can remind you of your beneficial nature is the most important thing you can do. Your teacher should empower you and their teaching should give you a sense of freedom and potential. Your community should inspire great faith and friendship within you. Regardless of what your practice is, you want to find one that brings you emotional and physical stability. You want a practice that empowers you and reminds you in simple terms that you are pure, you are loved and you are innately beneficial.
Find a Community to Support You Through Grief
While journaling can afford us a space of peace and reconciliation within our grief, we still require community. Community goes far beyond the boundaries of your neighborhood. Your community is made up of the people who share your vision for mankind. Find those who seek to bring greater benefit to others. Find out what services they can offer you and also how you can offer your services to others.
Putting yourself back out into the world even when you are grieving is a way to remind yourself of the love you still have to give. Like James Anderson wrote, grief is love. Allowing yourself to love again is your means of moving through grief. When you open your heart again, it doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten what you’ve lost. It means you’re able to love without limits.
Love cannot be contained and it is inexhaustible. It reaches further than perceptions and dimensions. Love outlives us all.
Books to Help You Reflect on Grief
There are two very beautiful books I want to share with you about grief and love. First, is A Grief Observed, by C.S. Lewis. In his novel, he explores the pure pain of losing a loved one and what that can do to one’s faith. Lewis is able to channel a profound sense of self-discovery and momentous rebirth into his writing. He reminds us of the epiphany that awaits us all at the end of the long winding valley of grief.
The second book I’d like to suggest is called, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, written by Sogyal Rinpoche. This book is specifically useful for anyone facing the death of a loved one. If you are caring for someone who is dying, you can find incredible empowerment in this book. You can learn how to live alongside death, and how to be at peace with impermanence.
As you read any book on grief, life and death, write about it in your journal. Make connections to the teachings you find. Highlight quotes and free write in response to them. Notice how the writing influences your life in so many different ways. Reflect on what questions arise as you read.
Seek a Professional to Help You Heal from Grief
I would be remiss if I did not mention the importance of seeking professional help when the grief is overwhelming. Grief is a problem when it no longer permits you to take care of yourself. Don’t wait for it to become such a burden. Seek a therapist or a psychologist even if you aren’t sure it’s “bad enough”.
Any thoughts of suicide or harming yourself are cause for you to talk to someone you trust about getting help. Please, please seek help. I say this because I know what it is like to lose someone to suicide. Make a promise to yourself and your loved ones that you will ask for help before you make that harrowing decision. Here is an article I wrote about the benefits of journaling when you are depressed.
Remember, all this advice is for you to use when you are ready. There is no rush to begin journaling through grief because grief is not a one-time thing. Grief is a balloon that inflates inside us unexpectedly, making our chest feel tight, pushing our tears out in bursts. That balloon deflates us just as easily, without rhyme or reason. Grief is a cycle.
If you are not ready to start journaling about your grief today, that’s okay, try again tomorrow. Whatever and whenever you are able to write is perfect. Just showing up for yourself in any way you can is enough.
More Grief Journaling Prompts to Help You Heal
Here are some prompts for reflecting on your practice and whatever teachings/books/therapy you decide on:
1. Who can I trust to support me no matter what I’m going through? Where can I turn if I don’t feel like I have someone close to me? What organizations or counseling resources are available to me?
2. What books have helped me to better understand loss, grief, love, life and death?
3. Who do I consider to be one of my teachers or my mentors in life and what can I ask them about their experience with death, love, and grief?
4. Where does love end? What are the boundaries of love?
Final Thoughts
Remember, grief is a complex process and everyone experiences it differently. These grief journaling prompts are meant to be a starting point, and you should feel free to adapt them to fit your needs and emotions.
